Loss and Remembrance

Losing someone during COVID is difficult to explain and even harder to reason. The pandemic felt like losing so much all at once, but so many things were not lost forever. We missed Christmas with our families, weddings postponed, virtual graduations...but all of this with the hope and promise that there will be more chances to celebrate these things once the pandemic concludes. I think we had become fairly numb to the idea of lost opportunities. But now as things are nearing "normal", it's becoming much more apparent the losses that weren't only temporary.

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My Aunt Debbie was a vibrant light in our family and her community. She was kind and loving and selfless and strong. Debbie had two sons, but she showed me and others tremendous motherly love. She called me "my dear" and sent me encouraging cards and prayed for me. I remember fondly my wedding day, before the ceremony, she sat with me as I got ready and calmed my nerves. I also remember the ire I saw in her when someone upset the people she loved. Aunt Debbie was fierce yet gentle.

Debbie was diagnosed with glioblastoma multiforme (GBM) cancer a few years ago. It's an incredibly aggressive form of brain cancer. Patients experience different symptoms depending on where the tumor is in the brain, but can range from nausea to personality changes. The chance of survival after 5 years, with treatment, is less than 7%. I have a hard time writing these facts, because my natural tendency is to be optimistic, to describe GBM with abstractions, to soften the blow of the harsh statistics of this disease.

Debbie passed from life to Life this last January. I can say confidently that when she left her body she was at peace and no longer in pain. I wish we could have had more time with her, especially given the circumstances of the year before her death. But I truly am grateful for all the years we did have.

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Obon or Bon is a Japanese Buddhist holiday inviting our ancestors into the physical world for three days before going back to the spirit world. Depending on the area of Japan, the holiday takes place in mid-July or mid-August. Similar days are celebrated in other Asian countries, like the Ghost Festival in China and Pchum Ben in Cambodia. The ancestral spirits are guided by fire, so families hang chochin (lanterns) inside their house, sometimes decorated with their family crest or name to bring their ancestors home. Bon Odori (dances) are performed as a celebration of the sacrifices made by those who came before us. At the end of Bon, the chochin are moved to outside of the home, or some send floating lanterns down rivers, to send the spirits back to the spirit world.

These are the chochin I painted with the Onishi and Kawaguchi crests to commemorate my aunt and welcome her presence home. Because of COVID, Debbie did not get a traditional funeral and celebration of life. As restrictions loosen, with our whole family vaccinated, we can finally gather and remember Debbie together, and during Obon season, too. Sadly, being in another state, I will not be joining in person, but I sent these chochin to her home. While making them, I was able to reflect on her amazing spirit and I thanked God for her life and for His love. I'm so grateful for my family's rich cultural history, for all of my ancestors, and for the chance to honor them and the sacrifices they made.